I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
