I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
