You're so nebulous sometimes
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
