I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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