I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Umm I'm too high to move.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
