I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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