My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
