I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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