I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
