She said her name was "party"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
