last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
