You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
