life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
