Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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