I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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