I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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