glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm passing your future prison.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
