Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize