I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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