i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My first STD was from a foam party
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
