You can't motorboat a personality
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
