i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
