I cockslap morals
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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