I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
