lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize