If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
