I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
