I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
