Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize