i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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