..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
