Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
