thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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