Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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