Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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