I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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