I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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