I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize