I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
