Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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