I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
