Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
