The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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