if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
