I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
