Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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