I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
