Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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