Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize