based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
