So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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