Sponge bath it is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
