The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
