i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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