i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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