Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
