I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize