my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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