"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
