I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
