Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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