i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
