i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
