Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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