he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize