I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
