Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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