Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
