Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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