The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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