I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
