i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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