Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
