People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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