i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Green mimosas i think yes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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