dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
