all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is the high leading the old right now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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