I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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