im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My balls are so social today.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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