All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
