His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
