we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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