hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
