I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
