Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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