I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
