Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
