I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
