omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
