Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
