First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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