My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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