like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
