I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
