she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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