Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
