i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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