ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
